The Invisible Fire-breathing Giraffe and The Fridge Gremlins Pt.1

This story was written to Jessica Van Vugt, and originally posted on her Facebook wall in the wee hours of the morning.

My room in this story is at residence, so picture a kitchen with doors two seperate bedrooms. from the kitchen, there's a door to the hallway. also, there's a bathroom attached.

Hey, you. There was this loud crunchin' noise coming from just outside my room, so I leaped into action to investigate. I was stealthy like a ninja, and I slowly opened my door to sneak a peek. What I saw was nearly unbelievable. I finally saw everything. there was an electric gerbil tribe fighting with a squad of fridge gremlins on a firebreathing giraffe's back! I quickly closed my door. Since I figured the war in my kitchen may be ongoing for a while, I called up and assembled the greatest team of heroes known to man: MacGyver, Batman, Cloud Strife, Bruce Springsteen, Carmen Sandiego (a villain, but still cool as fuck) and Capn' Crunch. (Chuck Norris was busy.) When they got to my door I heard a chorus of Thunder Road as the signal to strike. They busted through the door with a fog machine for added effect. I came out brandishing Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary, ready for action! The collective awesome from all these heroes immediately sent the battle to a level far beyond human comprehension. The battle raged on: Batarangs flying around, Omnislashes popping heads everywhere, paperclip-rubberband-toilet paper roll-based machine guns brandished like its normal (unless you're not actually MacGyver, which he is) and greatly oversized bowls of the Capn's Crunch slammin' bitches left, right and centre. Of course, Carmen Sandiego was nowhere to be found, and my Aztec treasure was missing - with a list of geography questions left in its place (CURSE YOU SANDIEGO! CURSE YOU!) The Giraffe was putting up a formidable fight, and the Gerbils and Gremlins, while also squabbling amongst themselves, banded together to repel the heroes' advance. The brawl raged on for about 2 hours, and in the end, everyone was exhausted. There was almost no hope. Then, as if a sign from god, my phone rang. On the other end, was a voice from the heavens. "Play Thunder Road, once more Bruce..." so he did. It called forth the great being known as ...Charizard!, the most powerful and beloved of the REAL Pokemon (the first 151). He swooped in, and devoured all of the remaining electric gerbils and fridge Gremlins (except the ones that escaped to the third floor, presumably the ones in your fridge???) and began his assault on the fire breathing Giraffe. The epicness of the battle blinded the Capn' and gave Stevie Wonder his vision back (and he wasn't even in the room!) By the finale, the Giraffe surrendered, and bowed to the might of Charizard. He retreated out the door, and disappeared, invoking his powers of invisibility (which is why we can't see him, btw). Charizard then invited all of the heroes onto his back to return them to their homes, except MacGyver, he built a jetpack out of my sink, a waterbottle and some salsa.

And that is the origin story of your Fridge Gremlins and the Invisible Fire-Breathing Giraffe.

Inside jokes galore, unfortunately. You'll understand lots of them soon... in Part 2!